Bachelor Ben: Taking it To "The Next Level"

Tonight we head to one of the most anticipated episodes of the season, and coincidentally, one that my mom typically boycotts (as do KCB’s parents): the fantasy suites (or “the next level” as the ABC Producers have dubbed it)! But my mom won’t be boycotting this year, as this year’s fantasy suites bring us to Switzerland. My family used to live in Geneva for three years, and sadly, this episode of the Bachelor is as close as any of us have come to a return trip. A picture of myself, my sweet little sister, and my Coke-loving older brother in the mountains near Interlaken is above, for your viewing pleasure.

Of course, before we can arrive in Switzerland, we get our first of many minutes of fluff this episode, as we relive Ben’s journey to promote his wine find love. Ben stares out the window of the airplane and contemplates literally the entire way from LA to Switzerland. Chris Harrison confirmed it in his blog. We relive his journey with each of Nicki, Lindzi and Courtney for 8 painful minutes, and Ben expresses deep concern over making the right decision. He’s experienced every emotion possible along the way. Every single one: love, anger, and sadness. But, he can see a future with each of the ladies. If only he had a therapist hired by ABC to help him with his decision.

Finally, we arrive in Switzerland and can really sympathize with Ben when he comments about all he’s had to go through to get to this point. The ABC interns instructed Ben and the ladies that Switzerland is “majestic”, so that’s the only word we’ll hear them use to describe it this evening. But it is, OH, it is.

Date One: Nicki, Let’s Get This Over With!

Nicki and Ben greet each other outside the hotel, to learn that their date will consist of yet another helicopter ride through the Alps. “Couldn’t you have sprung for a hovercraft?” asks Nicki. “The copters are getting old fast.” Just kidding, Nicki wonders how you couldn’t be stoked about a helicopter ride with Ben! Guess she hasn’t noticed his haircut, or lack thereof.

They are awestruck as the ride over the mountains, and Nicki thinks they are the only two people in Switzerland! Ben realizes that his relationship with Nicki is “getting to new heights, yet at the same time, it’s grounded.” That Ben is just a literary genius. What a perfect thing to say about someone you have no intention of spending time with after the fantasy suite.

The helicopter takes Ben and Nicki to various mountaintops, where they picnic their hearts out. Despite being at amazing heights, they don’t seem scared, nor do they take in the view. Rather, they talk about their feelings for each other, and Ben lets us know that he really hopes Nicki accepts the fantasy suite card.

Ben has one more surprise for Nicki: a log cabin, where they will eat dinner on stumps. Nicki fires the important questions at Ben over dinner: “How many kids do you want?” Ben says, “The more the merrier. Me and my sister always talked about having 4 kids.” Ben and his sister want four kids? Okay, whatever. Nicki says that she only wants 2 kids, but she will do whatever Ben wants.

Ben then breaks out an envelope from Chris Harrison, the Ultimate Wingman: “Nicki, Do you want to spend the night with Ben? From, Chris.” Nicki does! In the fantasy suite, she tips Ben off to what he’s in for that night; she wants to make him so happy, and wants to give him what he deserves. Ben too wants to take things to “the next level.” They head straight for the hot tub and start making things happen.

Date Two: Lindzi, Knowing You’re Afraid of Heights, I Have a Special Date Planned!

By this time, we’ve had a record amount of previews for what’s to come, so it may be safe to say we have here the most boring episode in Bachelor history.

Ben and Lindzi greet each other, and Lindzi announces how cold it is. If only those interns had warned her to bring a coat! For some reason, against all common sense, she didn’t wear one. She must have been thinking about horses.

Ben has a very special surprise for Lindzi. The interns told him Interlaken is the “extreme sports capital of the world” and knowing how much fun they had jumping out of a helicopter, they will be rappelling 300 feet down a gorge. Ben chooses these “extreme” activities for Lindzi because they have yet to talk about anything of any depth or substance whatsoever, and this way, they won’t have to. They are both very scared, but when they realize how similar the activity is to being in a relationship, they bond and make it down. Ben and Lindzi grow closer through the activity.

Immediately after rappelling, the ABC interns have strategically placed a hot tub for Ben and Lindzi to relax in. In the hot tub, they discuss other euphemisms for “taking it to the next level,” including being “vulnerable,” “watching the ice queen melt” and “transformation.” Lindzi, for the first time, tells Ben that she’s falling in love with him, and Ben grins like an idiot, knowing he’s getting laid that night.

They head to dinner and Ben wastes no time delivering the fantasy suite card to Lindzi. It’s too bad Chris doesn’t deliver it himself, then stand there and wait. “Lindzi, do you want to take it to the next level with Ben? From, Chris.” Lindzi informs Ben that – just like how she doesn’t normally kiss on the first date – she doesn’t normally take it to the next level with just anyone. But on national television, with her friends and family watching? In that case, yes, yes she does.

They head to the suite, bypass the hot tub, as they’ve been there and done that earlier in the day, and they head to a bed covered in a suspicious amount of pillows. Lindzi puts on one of Ben’s shirts, and the camera pans out, leaving viewers to wonder just how vulnerable the two got that night.

Date Three: Courtney, I Hope You Invited Your Model Friends!

Ben admits that he has concerns about Courtney’s dealings with the other women, but he greets Courtney enthusiastically. Ben has planned a “very Swiss date” with Courtney, as ABC has rented out a train that will take them to Wengen. The view from the train is incredible, just like it was from the helicopter.

They arrive at a local gas station, where they pick up some Swiss cheese. Courtney reminds Ben that models can’t eat cheese, or chocolate. No carbs. Only red wine. Courtney also thinks that this is what their life would be like, because there’s never a dull moment. They observe some garden gnomes, do a jig and head off to enjoy their picnic.

Not so fast. At the picnic, after a quick game of “Hey Cow!”, which proves to be the stupidest game ever, it’s time for the big questions. Courtney lets Ben know that everything with the girls is in the past, but Ben is concerned about her ability to interact with girls. If she can’t interact with ladies, how is she going to get along with his mom and sister? More importantly, how is she going to invite her model friends to the fantasy suite, if she doesn’t have any model friends?

It’s tough to tell if Courtney is legitimately afraid of losing Ben or if it’s an act put on to improve her image. When Ben says that what she did is “pretty messed up,” she just kind of shrugs. In her “in the moment” interviews, though, she’s tearful and concerned. Her agent may have warned her to act apologetic, so in her interview, she seems more regretful.

After their train/picnic date, Courtney and Ben then head to dinner at a log cabin, where they discuss more about Courtney’s inability to interact with women. Courtney admits to being immature at times, and that’s good enough for Ben. He breaks out the fantasy suite card: “Courtney, will you enjoy some uninterrupted time alone with Ben? From, Chris.”

At this point, Courtney turns the tables on Ben and asks what he thinks. Well played. He wants it. So does she, so they head to the suite, where they start with some intimate time in the hot tub and re-enact their time spent in the ocean in Puerto Rico!

Fluff Piece One: Emily as Bachelorette Sneak Peak

As one piece of filler tonight, ABC introduces us to Emily, who broke up with Brad Womack and will serve as Bachelorette. Who better for her to get advice from on how to serve as Bachelorette than Ashley, who was painfully insecure and got suckered in by a Bentley, and Allie, who recently ended her engagement? No one, clearly.

Ashley and Allie give great advice, including, “you’ll pin the roses on the men . . . with magnets!” and “the first night, you choose based on looks, because you haven’t talked to them yet” and “everything happens for a reason.” Great advice.

What better way to encourage her than to take her to a movie where the male of the main couple dies? Yes, that’s right – Titanic! Ashley thinks that the way Jack Dawson looks at Rose is the way JP looked at her, and that Jack and Rose are the epitome of a perfect relationship. Well, they spent all of two days together, so . . . yeah . . . perfect relationship. You jump, I jump, right? The ladies leave thinking that Emily can find another “perfect relationship”, just like in Titanic. Just hopefully it won’t involve Emily’s mate dying this time? It’s unclear what we’re supposed to take away from this segment.

Fluff Piece Two: KCB Returns

We now get our long awaited return of KCB to plead her case to Ben. She somehow finds her way to Ben’s hotel room, pauses for drama, and knocks on his door. Ben answers, shocked. “I have come here . . . because the producers forced me to,” KCB tells him.

She first asks for an explanation as to why Ben sent her away. He tells her what we already knew: it was her family. He felt that they came from different worlds, and didn’t think he’d fit in with her family. She tells him in, not so many words, that even though her parents indicated that she would not move in with him, she definitely would have. And she could have enjoyed a fantasy suite with him that night!

The tribe has spoken, though, and Ben won’t take her back. The closure is nice to know, but it doesn’t make it easier. She gives one final warning against choosing Courtney, and Ben sends her outside to lay on the rug in the hallway.

Fluff Piece Three: Chris Breaks It Down

We’ve got twenty minutes left this episode, so it’s time for some serious contemplation. Bring in the Hummingbirds! Oh wait, no. That’s not what’s happening. Bring in Chris Harrison! Ben informs Chris that he’s now more confused than ever. Chris pretends to act surprise that KCB showed up, and tries to offer Ben some moral support.

We have some more conversation that I don’t listen to, and all the while, I’m just wondering where Dr. Jamie is. He’s clearly needed. Ben doesn’t know which way is up, but it’s time to throw him to the rose ceremony.

Rose Ceremony

The ladies arrive, although it appears one of the interns tricked Nicki into thinking that she was going to a toga party. The first rose goes to Lindzi. Things get thrown totally off kilter when Chris misses his moment of glory and does not announce the final rose. It’s unclear whether there are more roses coming. But, the final rose goes to Courtney. Ben walks Nicki out, and she just wishes she’d worn something more practical to that the rose ceremony. Dangit. You’ll get ‘em on Bachelor Pad, Nicki.

Next week, it’s the Women Tell Essentially Nothing, and after that, off to Zermatt where Ben will select the women to whom he wishes to endure a 4 month engagement!
I leave you with a picture from the time my family spent in Switzerland: a lovely, high fashion Swiss frock modeled by my adorable sister. If only the interns had thought to do a Swiss frock date! Maybe Courtney will wear one of these to the final rose ceremony.